Recently, I was inspired by a simple realization: everyone is just a walking mess. No matter who we are, where we come from, or what we do, we ALL have our own challenges and struggles to face in life. And yet, we often judge others based on superficial or incomplete information, without knowing their full story or context. This is a natural human tendency, but also a harmful one. It prevents us from empathizing and connecting with others, and it makes us feel superior or inferior to them. I am not immune to this tendency myself, so this is perhaps a reminder to myself as well.
I became more aware of this tendency after listening and watching a lot of true crime stories. My favorite true crime podcast is Rotten Mango (shout out to Stephanie Soo), because she does an amazing job of telling the stories of both the victims and the perpetrators, and how they became who they are. Sometimes, I find myself feeling sorry for what some of them went through as children. They did not deserve the abuse, neglect, or trauma that they suffered. Of course, this does not excuse or justify the horrible crimes that they committed later on, but it does make me wonder how different their lives could have been if they had received more love, support, or help.
This article is not about true crime, though. It is about acknowledging that we are all walking messes, and that we should be more kind and compassionate to ourselves and others. We did not choose the circumstances that we were born into, and we cannot control everything that happens to us. We can only do our best with what we have, and try to overcome our challenges. We are all imperfect, flawed, and human. And we are all in this together, whether we like it or not. Instead of throwing yourself or steering yourself directly into the pit of hate which is the easiest and arguably more satisfying thing to do, perhaps we need to embrace our messiness, and celebrate our diversity instead. We may have different kinds of messes, but really, we are all just walking messes.
How can we be more compassionate and supportive to ourselves and others who are walking messes?
This is not an easy question to answer, because I am not a mental health expert, and I can only share my personal perspective and observations. But I think one of the things that helps me is to be more mindful of how I treat myself and how I talk to myself. You know that inner voice, the one that always tells you that you are not good enough, that you are a failure, that you are a mess.
Yes, that voice. Believe it or not, you are often your own worst enemy. So I try to catch myself when I am being too harsh or negative, and I try to replace those thoughts with more positive and realistic ones. I also try to surround myself with things or people that inspire me, motivate me, or make me happy. It could be reading good books, whether they are self-help books or books that teach me new things. I admit that some self-help books are not very helpful, and they sound like common sense, but there are some books that are really worth reading.
I also like to look for quotes that resonate with me, and that help me have more patience and compassion towards myself and others. The bottom line is, try your best to surround yourself with good energy.
I don’t have a favorite poet or anything like that, but I do have this book called “Seeds Planted In Concrete”. (I don’t have affiliate links, but you can probably find this book yourself if you google it). This book was written by Bianca Sparacino, and oh my god, reading it was like receiving a warm hug when you felt beaten up and telling you that everything is going to be okay. I raved over this book to my friends, and I follow all her works, though I still liked this one best.
I had too many favorites but I found one that was fitting for this post:
Sometimes I forgot that we are all just living between the lines of life – between the aches and the joys, between what is happy and what is sad within us. Sometimes I forget that I am not alone in that, for no one lives in either extreme – in perpetual bliss or perpetual sorrow. We are all just playing with darkness and light, we are all just trying to find our harmony.
Seeds Planted in Concrete, Bianca Sparacino
As for being compassionate and supportive to other walking messes, I think the best thing we can do is to be there for them, to listen to them, and to support them. If they confide in us, we should try our best not to judge them or dismiss them, but we should try to understand them and empathize with them.
If they seem like they need help that we are not qualified to give, we should encourage them to seek professional help, and offer to accompany them if possible. We should also remember that everyone is fighting their own battles, and that we are all walking messes in some way or another. Having said that, I still find it important to take care of ourselves first in order for us to care for others well.
Embracing Our Imperfections and Celebrating Our Uniqueness
This is a challenge that many people face, including myself. One of the things that we need to do is to stop comparing ourselves to others. We know that it is not healthy or helpful, and yet we still do it. That is why the first step is to be more aware when we are doing it, and to question the thought.
We often fall into the trap of measuring our worth by how we stack up against others, whether it is in terms of appearance, achievements, popularity, or lifestyle. But remember what I said? Everyone is just a walking mess. They may show you the glamorous side of things online, but you don’t know what their real life is like.
When you look at it from this perspective, it makes no sense to feel insecure, inadequate, or envious. The truth is, we all have different experiences, backgrounds, and circumstances, but one thing remains the same: we all have our own challenges and issues that only we know about and deal with.
Gradually, you just start to accept and understand that there is no one standard of perfection or success. Everyone has their own strengths, talents, and gifts that make them unique and special. Don’t let it take over your mind because you are not alone in your suffering. Everyone else is facing their own challenges and struggles in their own way. Comparing whose sufferings are greater is not only a losing battle, but also a pointless one. Such wasted energy could be better used for more positive purposes, don’t you think?
Some might argue that spreading positivity or trying to do good deeds is just a selfish way to make yourself feel good, but I would counter that no one has the right or the authority to judge anyone’s good intentions. And even if that is the case, and you want to feel good about yourself by spreading positivity to others, or doing good deeds, what is so wrong with that? If you can give good vibes to the world and feel good about it in the process, I’d say it’s a win-win situation.
Lastly, I think many of us struggle with the pressure of becoming the people who others want us to be. I think this often weighs heavily on our shoulders, maybe because we don’t want to disappoint someone we love. I mean, to be a disappointment to someone you love is not a nice feeling. But sometimes we just need to learn to let go of who we think we need to be and just embrace who we are.
I am talking about the molds that people have expected, thought, or wished we would fit into, and not the characteristics or personality traits that make you who you are. As idealistic as it may sound, perhaps it would do us more good mentally and emotionally especially in today’s brutal world, to be more authentic, honest, courageous, and to just exist as we are.
